Year: 2021

I took a shower yesterday and I focused on the fact that I was alone in my house – no Alex looking in and talking to me while spraying water on the floor. It was nice. I woke this morning and I focused on a bra and clothes and brushing my teeth. [oh what, like YOU don’t normally roll downstairs in a huge sweatshirt and yoga pants and pretend you are sexy?] Husband wanted pancakes so we went to the…

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This blogging thing makes me a better grown up. I learn lessons without someone having to sit down and school me in how I’m wrong – I learn via watching and the light bulb A-HA moment. I had a light bulb moment about friendship and favors about a year ago. Back when I started blogging (way back in ought seven) I met Mrs Flinger. She was all cool and together (snort) and awesome. She had a great looking site, lots of…

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Okay so technically not a person I saw today. It’s a name I saw today. I was working on genealogy and it’s only when I spin any kind of story that these people become remotely real. This is about the daughter of my great great (etc) grandmother – from her 2nd family after my great great (etc) grandfather’s father died. I’m alive only because people died. Well loved mothers and fathers, wives and husbands. Dead. In the ground. Cold and…

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yes. i’m sighing over dead dad again. click the pearls to the left and head to 704 if you want funnay. victoria brought it with her post today. my dad lived in the same town for thirty years and now 90 percent of his things are divided between 3 storage units in that town. while i sit in the dark and write, Prof stands by those units watching people load all of that stuff into a truck. and that truck…

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cleaning my kitchen, sorting paperwork, a USBank deposit receipt your dad is dead. file this with the estate paperwork. a bottle of zoloft your dad is dead. keep taking these. thank gawd you increased your dosage before he died. a yellow shirt with palm trees peeking out from the pile of clean laundry your dad is dead. this shirt smelled like him. now it doesn’t. your dad wore this shirt the last time you saw him out of the hospital…

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Alex and I were in Seattle last week so I could spend time with my Victoria and my Leslie. I pulled us from our usual routine of living room sitting and tv watching while creating messes in the kitchen and pulled us cross country to spend a week with people I’ve actually only met … twice. But the power of the blog. The twitter. The skype. The text message. The 704. I know these women. Hell we have synched menstrual…

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Usually when I put Alex to bed, I sit in a chair by his bed and knit, or think about knitting, or cleaning or working out, or blogging, or chatting, or anything but the task of helping this boy get to sleep. Last night I was tired. Alex was squirrelly and my patience was thin. I leaned over to kiss him goodnight and he came up for one . . . two . . . three kisses, and then reached…

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My Mom left my Dad the summer I was 6. I’d known it was coming long before she sat me down and told me. I could hear the tearful conversations after I was in bed (not sleeping). I knew I no longer caught them kissing in the kitchen. We stood in the garage, in between the gray Ford Torino that was now Mom’s and whatever car was in the left side of the cluttered garage. My Dad hugged me. He…

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I don’t know how to work hard. I don’t work hard I won’t work hard. To hell with hard, I don’t like work. I don’t like it, so why do it. I’m trying to suss out the right words to open with. My dad would have to get up with the phone in the middle of the night, dress, drive, pick up a body, spend hours of the night in the morgue, and then work a full day. My inner…

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Man I’ve loved spending time with you the last few months. I feel all safe and cozy wrapped in your cushion. You protect me from the world, insulated and separate. You make no demands on me, all you request is that I have another piece of chocolate … one more chip … one more spoon of whatever that is with butter and salt. We’re such a good team, you and I. I love giving you what you want. I’ve needed…

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