Category: Uncategorized

(Oh, gentle reader, if you are a hard core CIO parent or if your kids have really, truly never slept in your bed and co-sleepers make you crazy – I beg you – please go read the archives today – because this post will totally make you itch and you’ll hurt yourself rolling your eyes, and I don’t want you to hurt yourself. This is all about me wanting to take care of you – clearly not at all about…

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This week I had an email from a friend. I liked my answer and since I’m pressed for time and words and ideas, I clearly decided to make it a blog post. *** So, tell me with 100% honesty… What do you think of the Mommy thing? I am afraid that maybe I am only good at the “your my kids for no more than a few hours or a few days” gig. I am wondering if I really want…

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So yesterday I spazzed over not getting to read people, and ya’ll assured me that I was still loved and to pull my head out of my ass and stuff like that. Irony is that yesterday, I was 3 hits away from my best day ever on the blog – traffic wise. Which I think I just really, really funny. PPD Watch – day two – much better – the sleep was a big help (I love my Scout). I…

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*This is an excerpt from a conversation I had with my son shortly after I hung up the wok and started snuggling.* “Mom? How many followers do you have now?” “I don’t have any followers.” “Didn’t you have like a thousand?” “No. Not hardly. I think I around 600.” “What happened to them? Did you make all of them mad?” “No. I don’t have a follower widget anymore.” “So people hate you now, right?” “No. I. Just. Don’t. Have. A.…

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Instead of watching the fireworks with family and friends, I was sitting in a dive bar chain smoking and drowning my sorrows in Long Island Iced Teas. I dragged my friend, Judy, along with me. Everyone knows misery loves an audience and a designated driver. It had been a year to the day since the last time I saw Sam. A year since he {literally} dumped me at Super America. A year of pushing people away. A year of honing…

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So I have 2 very rambunctious boys. Sometimes things get broken at my house. A few days ago they broke the doorknob in my bathroom. The door would no longer lock or shut completely. The TO is not the most handy person in the world. Which is to say he hires out everything from painting to major renovations. His theory? He’d rather work overtime and pay someone to do the manual labor. Nonetheless, I begged and pleaded and may have…

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When I arrived home from a hellish family vacation I had this eloquent message on my answering machine: “Hope y’all had a good trip. It’s been really rainy here. By the way, Michelle’s dead.” It was from my friend Susan. Michelle was a friend of ours from high school and college. We were all pretty good pals during our senior year. We did the usual small town activities – drank Boone’s farm, sneaked cigarettes in the girls’ bathroom, skipped school,…

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When my hair started falling out I didn’t even notice. I was too busy. Too distracted. Too depressed. I was living with my soon-to-be-husband. We were engaged but not in your typical ‘We’re so in love; we can’t wait to get married’ way. We were more the ‘We don’t even really like each other right now but our parents are bugging the shit out of us about living in sin so we’ll pretend we’re getting married and shut everyone up’…

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It’s no secret that I’m broke and on a half arsed debt diet. It’s half arsed because the arse that I’m married to isn’t really on board. My latest money saving measure has been turning the thermostat down. It’s getting pretty frigid here in KY and I’ve had the heat on since September. We used to keep the thermostat set at 72. (Or 75 if my sheets felt super cold and the flannel ones were dirty and The TO was…

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1 – Where aside from a toilet have you taken a dump? Explain. Ummm…maybe the bed whilst birthing my child but that’s on the list of Things We Don’t Talk About so I don’t know for sure. And 11 years later I don’t really want to know. 2 – Would you wrestle a member of the same sex, nude, in pudding for 10 minutes for one million dollars? Ten minutes is a long time but one million dollars is a…

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