Halloween: It’s not just a holiday. It’s a lifestyle.

I have been preparing for Halloween for weeks now.

You may be surprised by this as I’m not one to write about home decor or crafts.

I realized that I’m being selfish. I need to share my patented Halloween decorating techniques with the Blogosphere.

Snuggle Wasteland’s Cheap And Natural Halloween Decorating:
1. Don’t dust anything. Dirt is spooky y’all. (I’ve been working on this one since June.)

2. Don’t kill spiders or sweep away their webs. Mother Nature has given you a gift. Don’t squash it with your shoe. Why spend good money on plastic spiders and synthetic webbing?

3. When light bulbs burn out, don’t replace them. It will create more shadows in your house. And you will save money on your electric bill, too.

4. Don’t clean out your fridge. The more rotting, smelly stuff in there, the better. You can take it out, put it in jars, and display it like your kitchen is a freaky science lab. The bad smell adds to the ambiance.

5. Don’t rake your leaves, trim the shrubs, or clean out the gutters. Nothing says Haunted House like an overgrown yard and grass sprouting on the roof.

I have a few secrets in regards to making yourself appear spooky, too. I’m going for my signature frazzled housewife witch look.

1. Don’t pluck or shave. Anything. Learn to appreciate your chin hairs. They are extra witchy.

2. Don’t worry about your skin. Now is the time to appreciate your perimenopausal (or menopausal) acne. On Halloween you can use eyeliner to make your blemishes look like warts or moles.

3. Don’t color your gray hair. Let those silver streaks shine in the moonlight on All Hallow’s Eve.

4. Don’t wear any makeup. And try to stay out of the sun. The pale, sallow look is perfect this time of year.

5. Don’t buy cute, new clothes. I think we all have some shapeless dark frocks lurking it the back of our closets, don’t we? (No? Just me?) Pick out the ugliest one and wear it with pride.

Look around your house and take a good, long gander at yourself in the mirror. What do you see that indicates a readiness for Fright Night?