It could be worse. I could be married to Dopey.

If The Toaster Oven were a dwarf, he’d be Sleepy. He’s very tall so that doesn’t even make sense but you get the picture. The man likes to sleep. A LOT. There were a couple of times in college when The TO didn’t get out of bed till 6 pm. That is NOT an exaggeration. I have seen him take a nap on a rock.

(We were on a family hike and his mother suggested a little rest period for him. I’m surprised she didn’t give him a juice box and some cookies first.)

The TO has been known to pull along the side of the road and nap during his evening commute. He has snoozed during birthdays, family gatherings, doctor’s appointments, and vacations. When my children were needy, screaming infants The TO did not get up with them – EVER.  Not in the middle of the night. Not in the early morning to let me sleep in. Not when he wasn’t working.  Not when I was sick. NEVER.

Once when my oldest was a toddler and I had had ENOUGH I sat him in the bedroom where The TO dozed. (If I recall correctly it was around 11 am.) The TO got out of bed, picked up the tot, placed him outside the bedroom door and locked it. We did not see him again till about 3 pm. Recently I heard the garage door opening and announcing The TO’s return from work. Five minutes later he still hadn’t come in the house.

He was sitting in the van listening to some idiotic talk radio show. He said he’d be inside when the show was over. “It should only be a couple of minutes.” Thirty minutes later I looked out the window and saw The TO in the front seat snoring. The engine was still running. A few nights later The TO went to the grocery store. I was in bed reading when I heard the garage door open. The van rolled into the garage and the door went down but The TO never came in the house.

I gave him 5 minutes before I assumed the narcolepsy had kicked in again. 10 minutes later he still didn’t appear. I assumed The TO was in Snoozytown and wondered how long he could stay in the garage before the carbon monoxide fumes would kill him. I realized that I *should* go out there and wake him up. But I was all comfy in bed and it was chilly outside.

Plus, I was afraid I’d have to put out if The TO knew I was still awake. (There is always a price to pay when he does chores.) I hate moral dilemmas and mercy sex vs. widowhood was a tough one. What did I do? I rolled over, went to sleep, and left him in the garage. But it did take me a minute. I was worrying about my in-laws arriving for the funeral and seeing how dirty my house was/is.