Losing

Last Saturday night, I found out that a childhood friend who I had not seen or heard from for about 15 years, but recently reconnected with through Facebook, was in a coma due to an extremely aggressive brain tumor. I just found out today that it will be today or tomorrow when they decide to pull her off life support.

I believe with everything in me that things happen for a reason. This reason for her short life may never be revealed, but it is there. Somewhere. And it doesn’t matter how distant you might have been with someone, to lose someone this way, from a disease stripping her life away… it’s always tough. I have some very fond memories of us and they seem to be occupying my mind non-stop these past couple days.

As I prepare for my first funeral of a childhood friend, I’m nervous and broken. Nervous because of the amount of familiar faces from the past I will see, not knowing what to say…. and broken, just because I’ve never said this kind of goodbye to a friend. This is on a whole new level. A level.. I just can’t figure out yet.

To my sweet friend : I wish that when we re-connected on Facebook and you wanted to get everyone together to catch up… that I would have just said yes. I remember a lot of our friendship past and I will never forget the imprint.

Losing a friend is heartbreaking.

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This happened in June of 2017. It has been over a year now and I still can’t believe it really happened. The reason I chose this one for Most Beautiful was because a few weeks ago I was cleaning out a bunch of old Facebook messages. The very last one I had way in the back was the one where my dear friend contacted me out of the blue. To read those messages brought her back. Even for a few moments, I read the back and forth message as if she was sitting right in front of me. I could hear her laugh and I could watch her smile. Reality seems to always have the final say, but it was nice to take a moment to remember my friend. Life is real. Everything about it is real. It can be beautiful and nostalgic one minute and still break your heart the next.

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