Top Five Reasons I Hate Halloween

I’m sure I won’t gain any fans with this statement. I do not like Halloween. In fact, I think it kinda sucks. I’m sure that I could come up with more than five reasons, but I’ve got a lot to do today, so five should get my point across.

1. Costumes – This is a chore every single year. Miss V always wants something store bought. Normally not a big deal. This year, we found it early. Awesome. Done. Then yesterday, she informed me that the costume was itchy and she was just gonna wear something from home. Yeah, kid, I don’t think so. I spent money on that, you’re wearing it. Sorry bout cha. So tonight I will get to listen to whining and complaining. But she’s wearing that costume. Miss M always wants to be something original. Except her ideas are not always the best. Or they don’t have the best execution. Then there is crying. Lots and lots of crying. Oy.

2. The Candy – And I do mean the good kind too. The good kind, I eat. The bad hangs around forever.

3. Whores – Yes, I know that I said costumes up there. But whores deserve their own category, right? Why can’t you just be a nurse? Nope. Gotta be a sexy nurse. Oh no, you couldn’t possibly be a cat. You must be a sexy kitten. Meow. Barf.

4. Being Startled – I can’t stand to be startled. And every year, guaranteed, there’s some asshole who thinks it’s funny to jump out from behind something and scare children. And parents. Assholes.

5. It’s signifies the beginning of the season of gluttony – From Halloween on, delicious looking food is everywhere. Candy, Pumpkin Rolls, Thanksgiving food, Christmas Cakes and Candy and Cookies. And I eat it all. Every bit of it. Because you have to right? It’s like a holiday obligation or something.

Not that this is a reason, but more of a question…..Who was the genius that decided to change daylight savings until AFTER Halloween? You can’t got trick or treating in the daylight. You just can’t. So you have to wait. And then it’s late when you get home. And your kids are all hyped up on candy. And you don’t have wine because you don’t have time to make the 40 mile round trip to buy any today. Well, maybe not you. But in my case, this WILL happen tonight.

If I dress up, do you think people will give me wine if I walk around with my glass?

Now THAT would make me like Halloween.